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| A warmth in my heart was melting and i could feel it traveling through
every limb of
my body and oozing out as a trickle on my eyelash. My first
girlfriend... this is how happy i felt when i fell in love with
her for
the first time. We were on my bed and in each others arms.. i
felt happy. Our
relationship started off great and I've always liked doing romantic
things for her. The tiniest thing from buying a sandwhich from a
pizzera and eating at the park.. a moon-lit
picnic ^-^; I even pulled out a big floor mat carpet from
the trunk of my car and used it as a picnic blanket so we could sit
down. She was happy and i was happy... I lived to see her smile...
Its not like that anymore.. I'll finish later everyone... just not in the mood right now.. to be continued woo free time... :(
(weird little notes to self why im writing/ideas)
unfinished business...feel broken.. trying to fix it... do ne thing...
the park II
severed trust
I cant make her smile ne more.. but what does... >=/
I know what can, but its not enough ,one last smile...T-T is she worth it..?
girl inside gone.. i miss her.. want to say hello, goodbye
haa.... i started this 5 months from the break.. the reason why i
couldnt finish this blog is because i found the answer to my
question.*and iam fackin lazy* She wasnt worth it.. that whole
relationship was a sham... what i thought was the happiest moments was
bullshit.. I love the enthusiam pat u write good fool.. a great quote
"the only thing constant in life is change" wtf @-@ lol this is
semi-true... i also believe u cant change who u are... deep inside u
are who u are...as a lil patpat i was always alone.... i played by
myself.. I always felt like i didnt belong even till now.. I did get
some friends as i grew older... like planets gravitating toward each
other in a ballad.. just to break free from the pull and back into
their own course.. iam like pluto nigga the far tiny planet thats like
a negative million degrees below zero. *Pluto is not even a planet any
more oooOO.. So is YOUR ANUS!!!! xD ayte ayte too much.... no no ..*
tanget!!!!!!!! digress... deviate. and other synonyms.. which is
exactaly what i do... iam a loner man... i felt like i lost
everything... when she left.. I realized who i was.. and this is me..
alone.. even when i was with my friends i felt out of place like i
didnt belong and im slowly dissapating from the group. Once i hit rock
bottom.. I'll climb.. climb.. harder and higher..... and that lil piece
of space rock will burn... burn hot and brighter... into a lone
star....
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| I woke up and went to school like every other day.... i hop on the train... and then the fuckin train police come in. I reach into the back pocket of my jeans only to feel the bottom of my ass and no wallet. Iam LIKE SHITTT! arghhh... the train officer asked if i had any ID and i explained my story. "No I left my wallet in my car and i had my monthly pass in it." and he said, "Do u have any ID? i was like no u fucking idiot! well i jus said no.. but he asked me this 284382409 zillion times. The officer that interrogated me left to check the other passengers. People stared at me and I thought, "What the fuck are you looking at?!" And i shook my head in disappointment. A teenaged boy replied to a question that i asked the officer earlier and said,"Its 70 dollars.." I said, "Really you got caught?" Another woman replied, "Its 140.." Everyone started to compare stories about how they got caught. My feeling towards these people changed, as i realized that the looks they were giving me were looks of sympathy and not mockery; like what i do when i see fuckin retards get caught... i mock them -_-... IAM A CHANGED MAN! The 2 security officers escorted me off the train and I sat down on a bench while they did the interrogation of shame. I stuck my tongue out like a lil kid as the passengers on the opposing railway stared at me like i was a common thug.. He asked me that same fuckin question about ID..? i was like yoo.. Anyway his dumbass asked me for my info, name, height and shit, address.. But something possessed me to be an asshole...I grinned evily and my eyes opened widely as a feeling of psychopathic blood lust came over me. I rudely remarked " You know i could be lying to you. You would never know if i was telling the truth. I could be making it up." He replied, "Then the next time i see you you're going to jail." I stared at him directly in his face and said, "Yeah i just wanted to fuck with you." (In a threatening way) Shit like this could get you in the slammer.. I guess I started to grow some balls. Iam not usually like this, I dont get mad... I usually just get really sad and whiney..like a fag...-_- I arrived at math class an hour or something late. When I got my test i recieved a 40. I didnt do my take home final for Micro, but luckily i was able to finish it b4 class started. When i got to Micro class everyone was in a frenzy, people were trying to finish up their take homes and share answers. People asked to see mine... it was all niceley typed and easy to read which meant mad people used mine to cheat off of. The test answers spread throughought the room like a ripple effect in a pond. When i got my exam back a paper was ripped off the staple, and another one was wet.. WTF!! beasty.. ehh iam glad to help out any time.. In class i got into a squabble with some loud mouthed asshole. He said he was gonna fuck me up. I said, "Really? Lets go right now!" and he said,"After class." oOOooo... I was gonna fuck dis nigga up! I called up my boy Ron Rivera and i told him to wait at the bookstore. Then I went to the bathroom and i started to shadow box.. it wasnt a great idea because if you swing as hard as i do your shoulder could get sore. When i got to class people were wondering what was wrong with me. They asked me, "Hey Pat, Why are you awake?" finish later... gotta study | | |
| I've been wanting to go back to the Philippines for a while. Like i had
this itch that needed to be scratched. But last night i was in for an
unsuspected surprise. Yesterday started out the same as usual... i
attempted to clean my room but only got half way done.. All that hard
work made a hungerin in my tummy, so i went out to Nevada diner to get
some disco waffle fries. Disco waffle fries are crispy cut french fries
smothered with mozzarella and gravy. Anyway, yea i got them and I
stopped over to eat it at my friend Jae Cha's house. Unfortunately, he
wasn’t home... so i chilled with his sister Young Nam Cha, a.k.a Sunny.
I sat down and started to chow down on my fries, and started to chat
with Sunny. As I beasted my fries I asked Sunny, "So uhh... where’s
jae?" She replied, "I think they went to watch X-Men III" I gagged on
my fries and shook my head with disappointment. I thought, "Yeaa? iam
not fuckin surprised..." Yo.. i dunno why the fuck they don’t invite me
anywhere. I guess somehow i lost respect in my circle of friends.. I
have two words for you guys "F-U-C-K Y-O-U" *slowly ascends the longest
finger of my hand, as a beam of sunlight cracks through the window upon
my vainglorious middle finger of destiny* Yeah... getting to the
story... I was desperately in need for some serious studying, so i said
my goodbyes to young. When i got home i took a power nap only to be
awakened by the loud banging of a door knocker. It took all my will
power to get up. As i ran downstairs to get the door, the knocking had
ceased. I opened the door and gazed outside, only to see a glimpse
image of a girl walk away. I yelled, "yooOO!" My voice echoed
through the still air. It was just Julie. She was like, "lets
go to the mall..." and i was like, "ayte..." (In a not caring manner
cause we're cool like that) We had to stop by the ghettos of Newark
first. When we got there we stuck out like we were a bunch of Asians in
Newark or something. (Drama happened... blablabal iam not gonna get
into detail because iam not writing a fucking novel here to describe
the whole mall and newark experience..) We dropped off Julie at work
and i returned home. Before I walked in, I saw a familiar green van
sitting in the Deli parking lot next door. (most of my friends park in
the parking lot next door) It was my cousin Pao! He called me earlier
that day and asked if i wanted to chill with him and Carissa in the
city. I saw him through the window and I made my way inside the house
to greet him. He was like, "Yo i got u some fungshui steambuns from Joe
Shang Hai." (I should never take my coolest cousin for granted) As I
happily ate my one steam bun, I asked if he wanted to come with me to
get my fungshui haircut. He was more than willing to go. As we made our
assent to the car, a dark gloomy shadow engulfed the area around us. We
stopped and looked around with caution. We heard footsteps approaching
from behind us and we aggressively jumped back into a battle stance. IT
WAS MY MOM! Verbal attacks were being thrown at us, as the sound
vibration waves in the air deafened our ears. Falling to our knees and
cupping our ears from the terrible screeches, we were able to use flash
step to avoid the attack (flash step- instantaneous movement in which
one moves as if he is teleporting) We looked at each other with a
serious look. "Let us make haste..", said Pao. Pat nods, "Indeed.." We
flash stepped our way to the car only to see my mom waiting in front of
it. :Pat:-"We have no choice now, but to fight our way out." Pat and
Pao release their bankai and whip out their swords into cool flashy
battle positions. (bankai- a special sword technique referring to the
anime Bleach) :Pao:-"Ill take the left and u take the right.."
:Pat:-"hmph" In the blink of an eye and into a blur, they attack with
precise precision and fury. Pat and Pao look up, only to see that their
swords were stopped by two fingers, one finger on each hand per sword.
"Ummm excuse me.. did you take out the trash last night? No one took
out the trash for two weeks now.. Your grounded from using the credit
card and you'll have to pay for your own gas.", said the mom. *Pat
hands over credit card* Okay.. enough with the dorky anime stuff...,
but that’s what happened.. except not cool. Getting back to reality, me
and Pao drove our way to Jersey City where we would meet up with my
older cousin Karen. Karen's friend named Karen was going to do our hair
for free ninety-nine. Get it? But before we get our fungshui hair
cuts, Karen (my cousin) insisted that we eat dinner first. We ate at
the restaurant "Dampa", a filipino restaurant. I never ate there
before. When we walked in the sense of filipino cheesy corniness filled
the air. I saw some familiar faces too, mostly the old school filipino
Belleville heads. I was like, “hell no.” My cousin Pao knew some people
there too. Mark and Warhole Soup was performing. I've heard of them,
but i really didn’t know who they were until that night. Warhole soup
is a filipino band thats style is that of R&B, rock, jazz with
filipino flavor. They kinda sound like the filipino band "Bamboo"
except more rock and rap. Anyway, we sat down and ordered food
like palabok, crispy pata, calamari, garlic rice and more. The first
plate served was bbq.. with no rice! Ulam with no rice wtf? They didn’t
serve rice until like 54928342 billion dishes later. I had this crazy
idea to eat the food as pulutan (pulutan- meaning partner with beer,
similar to ulam meaning parter with rice) I voiced my opinion to the
group and they all agreed. So i ran outside to buy everyone beer.
(B.Y.O.B.) It was only 15 dollars for a 12 pack, so it didn’t hurt me.
Nobody knew how to open beers with two bottles. I was the only one who
knew how from training in the Philippines. I never perfected the
technique until last night and for that iam thankful. My thumb is kinda
bruised and blistered though from all the opening. I saw a grown
filipino man struggle to open his bottles to impress his date and he
failed miserably, he attempted this several times during the night and
a vein popped out of his head as he clasped the two bottles
together, but his date had a good laugh at it. I smiled and thought,
"freakin filipinos." While the music played I guzzled down beer and
food, a strange feeling came over me that made my body tingle. I don’t
know if i was just really tipsy or what, but as I scooped the clumps of
food into my spoon with my fork, the food tasted like an explosion of
different flavors combined from the previous dishes left over on the
plate before; while the music played the sound hit my ears like a
sonata of a foreign tongue, interpreting a feeling, like the grace of a
classical piece. My brother once told me his definition of the word
“happy” and he said this, “When everything is going well in order and
harmony.” Yeah… if u think about it, everything was in well order and
harmony… Surrounded by good friends, family and music, I guess I kinda
felt unity and belonging in a country where people are trying to find
themselves in a sea of different cultures and ideas. People either live
for sex, money, or fame, but me… I’d die for this any day… yeahh…. that
was pretty gay… *takes off rainbow shirt* Anyway, Karen thought it was
lame so we bounced. On our way back to Karen’s place me and Pao got
lost through the confuzzling twists and turns of the narrow streets of
Jersey City… we named it “The Ultimate Detour” (tired of writing) Yea
so I finally got my fungshui haircut and highlights. I received an
array of reactions. Like, “OMG…!”, “You look like Joe Dirt”, “He
look like a confused skunk”, “Everyone in Chinatown has that haircut”.
“OMG your hair is so sexy I cant stop looking at it.” Ehh… it looked
better than before. If u ask me… I think it looks like a Mac Guyver
hair cut. The moral of the story is that Xanga is gay 
| | |
| Heh... i really dont write in xanga that much.. most of the things i write turn out pretty lame or cheesey. But i think it would be cool to look at my oldself and my oldways of thinking. Getting to the point... i had my first night of "EMO" drunkardness... (so fucking GAY!!!) yea... no one likes a drunk person... and in return i did not like anyone else either. I asked one of my good friends Julie Nadres to take me home. She has been a real good friend to me... shes always there.. i dont know why? I always took her for granted, a good friend that does stuff for you and checks up on you at random is hard to find (Well for me anyways i dont know about other people)... I still dont treat her right.... wtf is wrong with me... The next morning (I woke up drunk -_- ) I tried to classify what a best friend is.. Cotemplating, i went outside of my house and started to walk. I walked.... the same path down Joralemon St. The same path i used to walk everyday going to elementary school. It was nice enojoying the morning air. I ended up at my old school, School Number 7. A smile grew on my face as i reminiced about my old memories and how me and my best friends used to be... We're not like that anymore.. They turned out to have weird ego problems or be real fucking apathetic.. but wen all that is put aside the good times roll. (cliche) I began to walk to my highschool.. and did the same fucking emo chessey shit... From a distance I saw little kids playing in a little league recreational baseball team (wtf did i jus say?) I sat down and watched with content. I saw happy families watching their 5 year old kids attempt to play baseball. It was cute... ANYWAY... i could that tell these were good people its just a feeling i got.. i cant explain.. A lot of thoughts ran into my head "Is this my future?" It didnt look so bad...On the other hand "These kids are gonna grow up.. and fucking hate you..." as i smiled bitterly.."Is my life so lame that i have reduced myself to watching little league baseball?" Yeaa...Iam getting fuckin bored of writing right now.. long story short... i ran into a garage sale and looked at stuff formothers day, did more emo shit... then went to Julie's to chill and wake her up for work... I lost my phone.. GRRRrrr.... gotta go to GSP.. study wit ron.. and.. uh... dave remedio party... argh! and the moral of the story is i gotta fuckin chip on my shoulder...
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