TrlcK's Xanga

TT

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 07:21:31 GMT

A warmth in my heart was melting and i could feel it traveling through every limb of my body and oozing out as a trickle on my eyelash. My first girlfriend... this is how happy i felt when i fell in love with her for the first time. We were on my bed and in each others arms.. i felt happy. Our relationship started off great and I've always liked doing romantic things for her. The tiniest thing from buying a sandwhich from a pizzera and eating at the park.. a moon-lit picnic ^-^; I even pulled out a big floor mat carpet from the trunk of my car and used it as a picnic blanket so we could sit down. She was happy and i was happy... I lived to see her smile...
Its not like that anymore.. I'll finish later everyone... just not in the mood right now.. to be continued woo free time... :(

(weird little notes to self why im writing/ideas)
unfinished business...feel broken.. trying to fix it... do ne thing...

the park II
severed trust
I cant make her smile ne more.. but what does... >=/
I know what can, but its not enough ,one last smile...T-T is she worth it..?
girl inside gone.. i miss her.. want to say hello, goodbye

haa.... i started this 5 months from the break.. the reason why i couldnt finish this blog is because i found the answer to my question.*and iam fackin lazy* She wasnt worth it.. that whole relationship was a sham... what i thought was the happiest moments was bullshit.. I love the enthusiam pat u write good fool.. a great quote "the only thing constant in life is change" wtf @-@ lol this is semi-true... i also believe u cant change who u are... deep inside u are who u are...as a lil patpat i was always alone.... i played by myself.. I always felt like i didnt belong even till now.. I did get some friends as i grew older... like planets gravitating toward each other in a ballad.. just to break free from the pull and back into their own course.. iam like pluto nigga the far tiny planet thats like a negative million degrees below zero. *Pluto is not even a planet any more oooOO.. So is YOUR ANUS!!!! xD ayte ayte too much.... no no ..* tanget!!!!!!!! digress... deviate. and other synonyms.. which is exactaly what i do... iam a loner man... i felt like i lost everything... when she left.. I realized who i was.. and this is me.. alone.. even when i was with my friends i felt out of place like i didnt belong and im slowly dissapating from the group. Once i hit rock bottom.. I'll climb.. climb.. harder and higher..... and that lil piece of space rock will burn... burn hot and brighter... into a lone star....

the fuckin gayest day ever

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 07:40:55 GMT

I woke up and went to school like every other day.... i hop on the train... and then the fuckin train police come in. I reach into the back pocket of my jeans only to feel the bottom of my ass and no wallet. Iam LIKE SHITTT! arghhh... the train officer asked if i had any ID and i explained my story. "No I left my wallet in my car and i had my monthly pass in it." and he said, "Do u have any ID? i was like no u fucking idiot! well i jus said no.. but he asked me this 284382409 zillion times. The officer that interrogated me left to check the other passengers. People stared at me and I thought, "What the fuck are you looking at?!" And i shook my head in disappointment. A teenaged boy replied to a question that i asked the officer earlier and said,"Its 70 dollars.." I said, "Really you got caught?" Another woman replied, "Its 140.." Everyone started to compare stories about how they got caught. My feeling towards these people changed, as i realized that the looks they were giving me were looks of sympathy and not mockery; like what i do when i see fuckin retards get caught... i mock them -_-... IAM A CHANGED MAN! The 2 security officers escorted me off the train and I sat down on a bench while they did the interrogation of shame. I stuck my tongue out like a lil kid as the passengers on the opposing railway stared at me like i was a common thug.. He asked me that same fuckin question about ID..? i was like yoo.. Anyway his dumbass asked me for my info, name, height and shit, address.. But something possessed me to be an asshole...I grinned evily and my eyes opened widely as a feeling of psychopathic blood lust came over me. I rudely remarked " You know i could be lying to you. You would never know if i was telling the truth. I could be making it up." He replied, "Then the next time i see you you're going to jail." I stared at him directly in his face and said, "Yeah i just wanted to fuck with you." (In a threatening way) Shit like this could get you in the slammer.. I guess I started to grow some balls. Iam not usually like this, I dont get mad... I usually just get really sad and whiney..like a fag...-_- I arrived at math class an hour or something late. When I got my test i recieved a 40. I didnt do my take home final for Micro, but luckily i was able to finish it b4 class started. When i got to Micro class everyone was in a frenzy, people were trying to finish up their take homes and share answers. People asked to see mine... it was all niceley typed and easy to read which meant mad people used mine to cheat off of. The test answers spread throughought the room like a ripple effect in a pond. When i got my exam back a paper was ripped off the staple, and another one was wet.. WTF!! beasty.. ehh iam glad to help out any time.. In class i got into a squabble with some loud mouthed asshole. He said he was gonna fuck me up. I said, "Really? Lets go right now!" and he said,"After class." oOOooo... I was gonna fuck dis nigga up! I called up my boy Ron Rivera and i told him to wait at the bookstore. Then I went to the bathroom and i started to shadow box.. it wasnt a great idea because if you swing as hard as i do your shoulder could get sore. When i got to class people were wondering what was wrong with me. They asked me, "Hey Pat, Why are you awake?" finish later... gotta study

"Warning reading may increase the risk of severe boredum"

Mon, 29 May 2006 19:49:26 GMT

I've been wanting to go back to the Philippines for a while. Like i had this itch that needed to be scratched. But last night i was in for an unsuspected surprise. Yesterday started out the same as usual... i attempted to clean my room but only got half way done.. All that hard work made a hungerin in my tummy, so i went out to Nevada diner to get some disco waffle fries. Disco waffle fries are crispy cut french fries smothered with mozzarella and gravy. Anyway, yea i got them and I stopped over to eat it at my friend Jae Cha's house. Unfortunately, he wasn’t home... so i chilled with his sister Young Nam Cha, a.k.a Sunny. I sat down and started to chow down on my fries, and started to chat with Sunny. As I beasted my fries I asked Sunny, "So uhh... where’s jae?" She replied, "I think they went to watch X-Men III" I gagged on my fries and shook my head with disappointment. I thought, "Yeaa? iam not fuckin surprised..." Yo.. i dunno why the fuck they don’t invite me anywhere. I guess somehow i lost respect in my circle of friends.. I have two words for you guys "F-U-C-K Y-O-U" *slowly ascends the longest finger of my hand, as a beam of sunlight cracks through the window upon my vainglorious middle finger of destiny* Yeah... getting to the story... I was desperately in need for some serious studying, so i said my goodbyes to young. When i got home i took a power nap only to be awakened by the loud banging of a door knocker. It took all my will power to get up. As i ran downstairs to get the door, the knocking had ceased. I opened the door and gazed outside, only to see a glimpse image of a girl walk away. I yelled, "yooOO!" My voice echoed through the still air. It was just Julie. She was like, "lets go to the mall..." and i was like, "ayte..." (In a not caring manner cause we're cool like that) We had to stop by the ghettos of Newark first. When we got there we stuck out like we were a bunch of Asians in Newark or something. (Drama happened... blablabal iam not gonna get into detail because iam not writing a fucking novel here to describe the whole mall and newark experience..) We dropped off Julie at work and i returned home. Before I walked in, I saw a familiar green van sitting in the Deli parking lot next door. (most of my friends park in the parking lot next door) It was my cousin Pao! He called me earlier that day and asked if i wanted to chill with him and Carissa in the city. I saw him through the window and I made my way inside the house to greet him. He was like, "Yo i got u some fungshui steambuns from Joe Shang Hai." (I should never take my coolest cousin for granted) As I happily ate my one steam bun, I asked if he wanted to come with me to get my fungshui haircut. He was more than willing to go. As we made our assent to the car, a dark gloomy shadow engulfed the area around us. We stopped and looked around with caution. We heard footsteps approaching from behind us and we aggressively jumped back into a battle stance. IT WAS MY MOM! Verbal attacks were being thrown at us, as the sound vibration waves in the air deafened our ears. Falling to our knees and cupping our ears from the terrible screeches, we were able to use flash step to avoid the attack (flash step- instantaneous movement in which one moves as if he is teleporting) We looked at each other with a serious look. "Let us make haste..", said Pao. Pat nods, "Indeed.." We flash stepped our way to the car only to see my mom waiting in front of it. :Pat:-"We have no choice now, but to fight our way out." Pat and Pao release their bankai and whip out their swords into cool flashy battle positions. (bankai- a special sword technique referring to the anime Bleach) :Pao:-"Ill take the left and u take the right.." :Pat:-"hmph" In the blink of an eye and into a blur, they attack with precise precision and fury. Pat and Pao look up, only to see that their swords were stopped by two fingers, one finger on each hand per sword. "Ummm excuse me.. did you take out the trash last night? No one took out the trash for two weeks now.. Your grounded from using the credit card and you'll have to pay for your own gas.", said the mom. *Pat hands over credit card* Okay.. enough with the dorky anime stuff..., but that’s what happened.. except not cool. Getting back to reality, me and Pao drove our way to Jersey City where we would meet up with my older cousin Karen. Karen's friend named Karen was going to do our hair for free ninety-nine. Get it? But before we get our fungshui hair cuts, Karen (my cousin) insisted that we eat dinner first. We ate at the restaurant "Dampa", a filipino restaurant. I never ate there before. When we walked in the sense of filipino cheesy corniness filled the air. I saw some familiar faces too, mostly the old school filipino Belleville heads. I was like, “hell no.” My cousin Pao knew some people there too. Mark and Warhole Soup was performing. I've heard of them, but i really didn’t know who they were until that night. Warhole soup is a filipino band thats style is that of R&B, rock, jazz with filipino flavor. They kinda sound like the filipino band "Bamboo" except more rock and rap. Anyway, we sat down and ordered food like palabok, crispy pata, calamari, garlic rice and more. The first plate served was bbq.. with no rice! Ulam with no rice wtf? They didn’t serve rice until like 54928342 billion dishes later. I had this crazy idea to eat the food as pulutan (pulutan- meaning partner with beer, similar to ulam meaning parter with rice) I voiced my opinion to the group and they all agreed. So i ran outside to buy everyone beer. (B.Y.O.B.) It was only 15 dollars for a 12 pack, so it didn’t hurt me. Nobody knew how to open beers with two bottles. I was the only one who knew how from training in the Philippines. I never perfected the technique until last night and for that iam thankful. My thumb is kinda bruised and blistered though from all the opening. I saw a grown filipino man struggle to open his bottles to impress his date and he failed miserably, he attempted this several times during the night and a vein popped out of his head as he clasped the two bottles together, but his date had a good laugh at it. I smiled and thought, "freakin filipinos." While the music played I guzzled down beer and food, a strange feeling came over me that made my body tingle. I don’t know if i was just really tipsy or what, but as I scooped the clumps of food into my spoon with my fork, the food tasted like an explosion of different flavors combined from the previous dishes left over on the plate before; while the music played the sound hit my ears like a sonata of a foreign tongue, interpreting a feeling, like the grace of a classical piece. My brother once told me his definition of the word “happy” and he said this, “When everything is going well in order and harmony.” Yeah… if u think about it, everything was in well order and harmony… Surrounded by good friends, family and music, I guess I kinda felt unity and belonging in a country where people are trying to find themselves in a sea of different cultures and ideas. People either live for sex, money, or fame, but me… I’d die for this any day… yeahh…. that was pretty gay… *takes off rainbow shirt* Anyway, Karen thought it was lame so we bounced. On our way back to Karen’s place me and Pao got lost through the confuzzling twists and turns of the narrow streets of Jersey City… we named it “The Ultimate Detour” (tired of writing) Yea so I finally got my fungshui haircut and highlights. I received an array of reactions. Like, “OMG…!”, “You look like Joe Dirt”, “He look like a confused skunk”, “Everyone in Chinatown has that haircut”. “OMG your hair is so sexy I cant stop looking at it.” Ehh… it looked better than before. If u ask me… I think it looks like a Mac Guyver hair cut. The moral of the story is that Xanga is gay

Care to read?

Sat, 13 May 2006 15:03:11 GMT

Heh... i really dont write in xanga that much.. most of the things i write turn out pretty lame or cheesey. But i think it would be cool to look at my oldself and my oldways of thinking. Getting to the point... i had my first night of "EMO" drunkardness... (so fucking GAY!!!) yea... no one likes a drunk person... and in return i did not like anyone else either. I asked one of my good friends Julie Nadres to take me home. She has been a real good friend to me... shes always there.. i dont know why? I always took her for granted, a good friend that does stuff for you and checks up on you at random is hard to find (Well for me anyways i dont know about other people)... I still dont treat her right.... wtf is wrong with me... The next morning (I woke up drunk -_- ) I tried to classify what a best friend is.. Cotemplating, i went outside of my house and started to walk. I walked.... the same path down Joralemon St. The same path i used to walk everyday going to elementary school. It was nice enojoying the morning air. I ended up at my old school, School Number 7. A smile grew on my face as i reminiced about my old memories and how me and my best friends used to be... We're not like that anymore.. They turned out to have weird ego problems or be real fucking apathetic.. but wen all that is put aside the good times roll. (cliche) I began to walk to my highschool.. and did the same fucking emo chessey shit... From a distance I saw little kids playing in a little league recreational baseball team (wtf did i jus say?) I sat down and watched with content. I saw happy families watching their 5 year old kids attempt to play baseball. It was cute... ANYWAY... i could that tell these were good people its just a feeling i got.. i cant explain.. A lot of thoughts ran into my head "Is this my future?" It didnt look so bad...On the other hand "These kids are gonna grow up.. and fucking hate you..." as i smiled bitterly.."Is my life so lame that i have reduced myself to watching little league baseball?" Yeaa...Iam getting fuckin bored of writing right now.. long story short... i ran into a garage sale and looked at stuff formothers day, did more emo shit... then went to Julie's to chill and wake her up for work... I lost my phone.. GRRRrrr.... gotta go to GSP.. study wit ron.. and.. uh... dave remedio party... argh! and the moral of the story is i gotta fuckin chip on my shoulder...